relationships Archives - Judy Guess, PhD

The Impact of Narcissism on Relationships

by Judy Guess | May 14, 2023 | narcissism, relationships

The impact of narcissism on relationships can be a complex and painful topic, but understanding its impact is the first step towards healing and recovery.

Whether you have experienced emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic partner or simply want to learn more about this personality trait, I hope this post offers you insights and strategies for building healthy relationships and moving forward.

Let’s dive in and explore the effects of narcissism on relationships.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a term that’s thrown around a lot these days, but what does it really mean? As a psychologist, I can tell you that narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

People with narcissistic traits often have an inflated sense of their own abilities and accomplishments. They may believe that they are superior to others and entitled to special treatment. They may also have difficulty accepting criticism and may become defensive or angry when challenged.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that affects about 1% of the population and is more common in men than in women. Narcissistic traits and diagnoses often correlate with upbringing and early childhood relationships.

People with NPD often have an inflated sense of self-importance and a need for constant admiration. They may believe they are special or unique and have fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, or ideal love. Unfortunately, their lack of empathy for others and difficulty regulating emotions can cause problems in their relationships and other areas of life.

It’s important to note that not everyone with narcissistic traits has NPD. The diagnosis is only made when these traits are severe and pervasive, interfering with a person’s ability to function in relationships and other areas of life.

Treatment for NPD may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both. However, it can be challenging to treat because most individuals with NPD do not see their behavior as problematic.

Prevalence

Research has shown that narcissism is not uncommon in relationships. A study conducted by the University of Georgia found that about 1 in 100 people meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. However, the number is much higher when we talk about showing narcissistic traits.

Even those with mild narcissistic traits can still cause problems in their relationships.

The Narcissistic Partner

Narcissistic partners often exhibit a range of problematic behaviors that can cause emotional and psychological harm to their partners.

Characteristics

It’s important to note that not all narcissistic partners exhibit all of these behaviors, and that some may be more subtle or covert in their approach.

Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often struggle to understand or care about the emotions and experiences of others, including their partners. They may dismiss or minimize their partner’s feelings or needs, and may even become angry or defensive when confronted with their own harmful behavior.
Manipulation: Narcissists are often skilled at manipulating others to get what they want. They may use charm and flattery to win over their partner, or may resort to more aggressive tactics like gaslighting or emotional blackmail.
Grandiosity: Narcissists often have an inflated sense of their own importance and may believe that they are superior to others. They may become upset when their partner receives attention or praise, and may demand constant admiration and attention themselves.
Boundary Violations: Narcissists may have difficulty respecting their partner’s boundaries and may become angry or demanding when their partner sets limits or says no. They may also engage in behaviors like snooping, stalking, or controlling their partner’s activities.
Lack of Accountability: Narcissists often struggle to take responsibility for their own actions and may blame others for their problems or mistakes. They may also refuse to apologize or make amends when they have hurt their partner.

Red Flags

They are overly charming and charismatic at the beginning of the relationship, but may quickly become cold or distant.
They have a sense of entitlement and may expect their partner to cater to their every need.
They may become jealous or possessive of their partner, even accusing them of infidelity or cheating without evidence.
They may engage in gaslighting, where they deny or distort reality to make their partner doubt their own perceptions and memories.
They may have a history of unstable or short-lived relationships, or may have a pattern of cheating or infidelity.
They may struggle to take responsibility for their actions and may blame others for their problems or mistakes.
They may become angry or defensive when their partner tries to set boundaries or express their needs.

The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

The narcissistic cycle of abuse is a pattern of behavior that many narcissistic partners exhibit in their relationships. The cycle consists of three main phases: idealization, devaluation, and discard.

Idealization: In the idealization phase, the narcissistic partner will shower their partner with attention, affection, and gifts. They may seem perfect in every way and may make their partner feel like they are the center of the universe. However, this phase is often short-lived, and the devaluation phase soon follows.
Devaluation: In the devaluation phase, the narcissistic partner begins to criticize, belittle, and undermine their partner. They may become emotionally or physically abusive, and may blame their partner for their own problems or shortcomings. They may also start to withdraw affection and attention, leaving their partner feeling confused, hurt, and alone.
Discard: Finally, in the discard phase, the narcissistic partner may end the relationship abruptly and without warning. They may move on to a new partner quickly, leaving their former partner feeling devastated and confused.

It’s important to note that not all narcissistic partners exhibit this exact cycle of abuse, and that some may have different patterns of behavior.

The Impact of Narcissism

The Emotional Effects

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic partner can have a profound emotional impact on the victim. Narcissistic partners often lack empathy and may minimize or dismiss their partner’s feelings and needs, leaving the victim feeling unheard and unsupported. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression.

Victims of narcissistic abuse may also experience a range of intense emotions, including anger, fear, and shame. They may blame themselves for the problems in the relationship, even though the narcissistic partner is usually the one at fault. Over time, the victim may become isolated from friends and family, and may feel trapped in the relationship.

It’s important for victims of narcissistic abuse to seek help and support from a therapist or trusted friend or family member. They may also benefit from practicing self-care strategies, such as mindfulness meditation, exercise, and spending time in nature. With time and support, victims of narcissistic abuse can heal and move forward from their experiences.

Narcissism and Codependency

Codependency is a term used to describe a dysfunctional relationship where one person enables or supports the unhealthy behavior of another. This often occurs in relationships with narcissistic partners, as the codependent person may try to please or appease the narcissist in order to avoid conflict or maintain the relationship.

Codependent people may have low self-esteem and may believe that they need to take care of others in order to feel valued or loved. They may also struggle to set boundaries or express their own needs, because they fear rejection or abandonment.

Narcissistic partners may take advantage of these tendencies by manipulating or controlling the codependent person. They may use guilt or shame to make the codependent person feel responsible for their problems, or may use charm or flattery to win their support.

Over time, the codependent person may become enmeshed with the narcissistic partner, losing their sense of self and becoming overly focused on the needs of the other person. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and worthlessness.

It’s important for individuals who struggle with codependency to seek help from a therapist or support group. Therapy can help codependent individuals learn to set boundaries, express their own needs, and build healthy relationships in the future. With time and support, codependent individuals can learn to break free from the cycle of dysfunction and build a life that is fulfilling and satisfying.

Healing and Recovery

Self-Care Strategies

If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being and practice self-care strategies to help you cope and heal. Here are some self-care strategies to consider:

Set Boundaries: Setting and enforcing boundaries is critical to protecting yourself from further harm. This may include limiting your contact with the narcissistic partner, or even ending the relationship altogether. You may also need to set boundaries with other people in your life who may be enabling or supporting the narcissistic partner.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness meditation can help you stay grounded and present, even in the midst of difficult emotions. This can help you develop a sense of inner peace and calm, even in the face of chaos and uncertainty.
Engage in Physical Activity: Exercise can be a great way to release pent-up emotions and boost your mood. Consider going for a walk, hitting the gym, or taking a yoga class to help you feel more energized and centered.
Spend Time in Nature: Spending time in nature can be a great way to reduce stress and promote relaxation. Consider going for a hike, visiting the beach, or simply taking a walk in a nearby park.
Connect with Others: Connecting with friends, family, or a support group can help you feel less alone and more supported. Consider joining a support group for victims of narcissistic abuse, or reaching out to a therapist for individual counseling.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion as you navigate the healing process. Recognize that healing takes time and that it’s okay to take things slow.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a process, and it’s important to prioritize your own well-being as you move forward. With time and support, you can heal from your experiences and build a brighter future for yourself. (Check out this post about healing through Self-Reparenting.)

How to End a Relationship with a Narcissistic Partner

Ending a relationship with a narcissistic partner can be challenging and emotionally complex. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process:

Get Support: It’s important to have a support system in place as you end the relationship. This may include friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance.
Stay Focused on Your Goals: Keep your goals in mind as you navigate the process of ending the relationship. This may include protecting your emotional and psychological well-being, setting boundaries, or moving on to a healthier relationship in the future.
Be Prepared for Resistance: Narcissistic partners often struggle to accept rejection and may become angry or defensive when you try to end the relationship. It’s important to be prepared for this resistance and to stay firm in your decision.
Communicate Clearly: When ending the relationship, it’s important to communicate your feelings and intentions clearly and assertively. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or debates, and stay focused on expressing your own needs and desires.
Set Boundaries: Setting boundaries is critical to protecting yourself from further harm. This may include limiting your contact with the narcissistic partner, or even ending the relationship altogether. You may also need to set boundaries with other people in your life who may be enabling or supporting the narcissistic partner.
Practice Self-Care: Ending a relationship with a narcissistic partner can be emotionally and psychologically taxing. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and practice self-care strategies, such as mindfulness meditation, exercise, and spending time in nature.

Ending a relationship with a narcissistic partner is a process, and it’s important to have patience and compassion for yourself as you navigate this difficult time. With time and support, you can heal from your experiences and move forward to a brighter future.

Moving Forward

Boundaries

Boundaries are an essential part of healthy relationships. They are the lines we draw around ourselves to protect our physical, emotional, and psychological well-being. Boundaries help us to communicate our needs and limits to others and to maintain our sense of self.

In relationships with narcissistic partners, boundaries are often violated and disregarded. Narcissistic partners may try to control or manipulate their partner, leaving them feeling helpless and powerless. This can lead to a loss of self-esteem and a sense of confusion about one’s own needs and desires.

Setting and enforcing boundaries is critical to protecting yourself from further harm. This may include limiting contact with the narcissistic partner, or even ending the relationship altogether. It may also involve setting boundaries with other people who may be enabling or supporting the narcissistic partner.

Communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively. This may involve saying “no” to unreasonable demands or refusing to tolerate abusive behavior. It may also involve setting limits on the amount of time and energy spent on the relationship.

Boundaries are a way of respecting yourself and your needs. They are a way of saying “I am worthy of love and respect, and I will not tolerate anything less.” By setting and enforcing boundaries, you can protect yourself from further harm and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

Building Healthy Relationships

Healing from a narcissistic relationship can be a long and difficult process, but it is possible to build healthy relationships in the future. Here are some tips:

Take Time to Heal: Take time to heal from your experiences before entering into a new relationship. This may involve working with a therapist or support group to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
Identify Your Needs and Boundaries: Before entering into a new relationship, identify your own needs and boundaries. This may involve setting limits on what you are willing to tolerate in a relationship and being clear about your own needs and desires.
Communicate Clearly and Assertively: In healthy relationships, communication is key. Communicate your feelings and needs clearly and assertively, while also being open to your partner’s perspective.
Look for Healthy Patterns: Look for partners who exhibit healthy relationship patterns, such as respecting your boundaries, communicating openly and honestly, and supporting your emotional well-being.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your own well-being and practice self-care strategies, such as mindfulness meditation, exercise, and spending time in nature. By taking care of yourself, you will be better equipped to build healthy relationships in the future.

Building healthy relationships after a bout of a narcissistic relationship is a process, and it’s important to have patience and compassion for yourself as you navigate this journey. With time and support, you can heal from your experiences and build a brighter future.

In Conclusion …

Narcissism in relationships can be a difficult and complex issue to navigate. It’s important to recognize the warning signs of narcissistic behavior in a partner and to seek help if you are experiencing emotional or psychological abuse. It’s also important to prioritize your own well-being and practice self-care strategies to help you cope and heal.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a process. Have patience and compassion for yourself as you navigate this journey. With time and support, you can heal from your experiences and build a brighter future for yourself.

Building healthy relationships after narcissistic abuse is possible, but it requires work and self-reflection. Identify your own needs and boundaries, communicate clearly and assertively, and look for partners who exhibit healthy relationship patterns. By taking care of yourself and practicing self-care strategies, you can build a life that is fulfilling and satisfying.

You are worthy of love and respect, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. By recognizing the warning signs of narcissistic behavior and prioritizing your own well-being, you can build a better future for yourself and your loved ones.